It’s You’re Perogative! Point-Black Advice for Dealing With Insolate Children

[This post features malapropisms collected in the wild by myself and my team of intrepid malaprop-collectors.]

Do you ever ask yourself, “How my doin’ as a parent?” In the mist of life’s dulldrums, in the ebon-flow of parenting, parents can often lose hold of the reigns. In fact, now and days good parents are becoming a dying bread. But you don’t have to be one of the many parents suscombing to this rib tide! I will teach you how to find the gentile nature within you. Together we will up the anti, and soon you will be the best mommy (or daddy!) in the blog-sphere.

Having a duel income family can be a tough road to tow. But don’t let this high bar to hurtle make you give in too quickly to uncorroperative children! Children might not cow tow to your every whim, and they might do lots of things they’re not aloud to. In fact, to paint with a broad bunch, almost all children are errand and unkept! They have a one tract mind, no conscious, and all the styreo typical quarks of childhood.

You could get rejected thinking about kids’ doddling, their whinning, and all the other tell-tail signs of youth. In fact, it bottles the mind. But remember you will never get any koodos for giving up! You are your kids’ Commander and Chief. Start by re-inforcing their good behaviors, and make bad choices less excessible.

Don’t let your daughters show their mid-drifts. Don’t make idol threats! When your kids test your metal, don’t back-paddle. If you let the vagrancies of the moment change your mind, your kids will right you off, and it will get harder and harder to make amens.

Well, I think by now you should have the jest of it. When things go array, if you stay compoised, parenting can be a wounderful experience. And you’ll be able to give yourself a pad on the back and say, “At a boy!”

Answer key:

you’re perogative (your prerogative)
point-black (point blank)
insolate (insolent)
how my doin’? (How’m I doin’?)
in the mist of (midst)
dulldrums (doldrums)
ebon-flow (ebb and flow)
the reigns (reins)
now and days (nowadays)
a dying bread (breed)
suscombing (succumbing)
rib tide (rip tide)
gentile nature (gentle, genteel)
up the anti (ante)
blog-sphere (blogosphere)
duel income family (dual)
a tough road to tow (row to hoe? road to toe?)
bar to hurtle (hurdle)
uncorroperative (uncooperative)
cow tow (kowtow)
aloud (allowed)
paint with a broad bunch (brush)
errand (errant)
unkept (unkempt)
one tract mind (one track mind)
conscious (conscience)
styreo typical airhead (stereotypical)
quarks (quirks)
rejected (dejected)
doddling (dawdling)
whinning (whining)
tell-tail (tell-tale)
bottles the mind (boggles)
koodos (kudos)
Commander and Chief (commander-in-chief)
re-inforcing (reinforcing)
excessible (accessible)
mid-drifts (midriffs)
idol threats (idle)
test your metal (mettle)
back-paddle (backpedal)
vagrancies of the moment (vagaries)
right you off (write)
make amens (amends)
the jest of it (gist)
things go array (awry)
stay compoised (composed)
wounderful (wonderful)
give yourself a pad on the back (pat)
At a boy! (attaboy)

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13 Responses to It’s You’re Perogative! Point-Black Advice for Dealing With Insolate Children

  1. Lili says:

    So happy to see another malaprop post 🙂

    I wondered at the “tough road to tow”… Michael and I are wondering if it’s confused with/related to “tow the rope?”…

    • zstitches says:

      If you look at the answer key, you’ll see that I couldn’t figure it out, either. 🙂 Toe the line. Tow the rope. Hoe the row. You know what would be really hard? Toeing the line while towing the rope and hoeing the row.

      • row to hoe
        I haven’t counted up them up yet, but allow me to thank you perfounly form the very deps of my beeng–I am so exited! I now this takes a tun of extersion on your parte!

  2. Acheté says:

    Hooray!

    Thanks for the answer key—it’s such a relief to see the correct versions.

  3. Another home run! I love these.

    My brain is crying, though.

  4. Kathryn says:

    I’ve heard “row to hoe” before, so maybe that’s it. My hubby showed me a really funny video with some British guy making fun of us Americans for saying “hold down the fort,” as if the fort were inflatable and might float away. Apparently the expression is supposed to be “hold the fort.” Ron and I now say “hold down the fort” whenever we can, and chuckle every time.

  5. That’s what I get for not reading all the comments through first. Kathryn is corrupt. I mean corruct.

  6. Nae says:

    I loved Annette’s comment. “My brain is crying, though.”

    Truly made my day. Possibly even my week! Thank you for the answer key.

  7. jbug says:

    wow……

  8. Ginger says:

    Let me hear make my amens!
    Aunt Ginger

  9. Jen says:

    Magnificent. I do think perhaps parenting being “wounderful” is accurate some days, though.

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