Nothing brings out my “fun side” like avoiding Christmas preparations

You guys, it would be wise of me to work on Christmas shopping and projects right now, but all morning (or anyway the whole time I was showering and getting dressed) (sorry for that image) I’ve been making up jokes. So consider these jokes my Christmas present to you. Anyway my family already got presents from me last year.

[Note: the first part of this post was composed yesterday, when everything seemed funny. The rest was bravely, stoically completed today so I could be done with it and take a nap.]

Before I had kids, I was pretty unflappable. But now I flap a lot.

Flapper bunnies. Image from here.

Dean struck just the right note with me this morning. It was a note from the principal. After we struck it, we stomped on it and then lit it on fire.

Where has this day gone? Probably to Cabo. My days are always going off on vacation and leaving me behind to not get anything done.

Does this body make me look fat?

Our school’s PTA does a “Dads and Donuts” event, but for the moms’ event, we get muffins. I don’t care about alliteration, I just want a donut. I don’t even care if you have toΒ  call me something else that starts with “D.” I’d show up for an event called “Domestic Drudges, Decaying Dinosaurs, and DONUTS.”

The only problem with the Drudges/Dinosaurs idea is that wives would think their husbands were invited, and husbands would be trying to send their wives. (HEY-Oh!) Wait, that’s not a problem. DONUTS FOR EVERYONE!

I sure have gotten a lot done on Facebook before even getting dressed this morning.

No matter the circumstances, it’s always possible to be gracious. If you’re repossessing someone’s car, you might say, “Would you care for a tisane?” Or if you have to foreclose on someone’s home, consider, “The color of your sweater perfectly complements your complexion.”

Here are some more rules of ettiquette:

When you cut someone off in traffic, don’t interrupt the person riding with you when she’s in the middle of telling you a story.

When you show up hours late for a party, don’t sneeze into your friend’s beverage.

When you show up late for your mother’s funeral, don’t double-dip your carrot stick in the communal bowl of ranch dressing during the meal afterward.

When you comment on someone’s weight gain, don’t put your elbows on the table.

When you include gift registry information in your wedding invitation, use a properly addressed double envelope.

When you’re texting during church, don’t stick out your foot and trip people walking up the aisle.

Don’t pick your nose while you’re asking someone how much money they make.

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This entry was posted in I think I'm funny, I think I'm not funny. Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to Nothing brings out my “fun side” like avoiding Christmas preparations

  1. hthalljr says:

    When reading funny stuff on your smart phone in public place, try not to snort.

  2. Jason says:

    Wow. The floodgates. πŸ™‚

  3. the MomB says:

    “O’er the fields we go / Laughing all the way.” I was laughing all the way, but it was when I got to the word *tisane* that I fell on the floor. Hey, how come you get to italicize in your post, but I don’t get to in my reply?

  4. the MomB says:

    p.s. I bore with Hallowe’en graphics through Thanksgiving, but Z, it is nearly Christmas. Not to give you any extra jobs to do or anything.
    p.p.s. I’m just a bore.

  5. the MomB says:

    p.p.p.s. I do love your flapper bunnies.

  6. RachelJL says:

    My kids’ school (now just Libby’s school) does Mom’s Muffin Day and Dad’s Doughnut Day, too. I guess two or three years ago, enough moms complained that they switched it last year to “Mom’s Doughnut” and “Dad’s Muffin” day. I didn’t really care, because I’m not *supposed* to eat wheat. besides, Lee nor any of the grampas (they have, like, five) could come, so I got to be both Mom and Dad at both anyway. πŸ™‚ Maybe you guys could Occupy Dad’s Doughnut day and demand your share?

  7. RachelJL says:

    Oh, and I think your jokes were funny. Or we’re just the same kind of crazy. And as for the Halloween decorations, we still have Jack O’Lantern jellies on our kitchen window because I can’t find the plastic thingy they came on. I need to get un-lazy and just stick them on some plastic wrap, I guess.

  8. Mrs. Organic says:

    Moms for donuts unite!

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