How to dress like royalty

I never knew my job description as a mom would include so much costuming–not even including Halloween. The week before last, in one day I helped dress Mabel as a pharaoh’s wife in the morning, and that afternoon helped Rose dress as a princess for a birthday party.

Here’s Princess Rose, being her ceaselessly spunky self:

And here’s Mabel at her class’s Egyptian funeral:

Mabel’s class mummifies chickens (grocery store chickens, already cleaned and with the innards removed) and then builds coffins for them, holds a funeral, buries them, and digs them up in the spring to see how they fared.

I thought we did a pretty good job for a quick pharaonic look (we were able to re-purpose a Nativity angel gown–but Mabel could locate only one of her gold sandals, and had to settle for flip-flops) but I was equally impressed with the other kids’ costumes. (Mabel did tell me later that some of the most elaborate headdresses are part of her teacher’s permanent collection.)

Here was Mabel’s obituary for her group’s chicken. (Hers was about twice as long as any of the other obituaries. The 6th paragraph is my favorite.)

An Obituary for Amun-Rawk, cherished Father, Husband, Neighbor, Friend, and Chicken

We are here today to announce the beginning of an eternal and happy afterlife for our beloved poultry friend, Amun-Rawk. Named for the sun and his original language, Rawk (as he was often called) was the godliest chicken there ever was.

 Amun-Rawk died at the ripe age of 5 months, and it was a saddening experience for his dear family and friends to see him go. Luckily, professional embalmers have preserved his sacred body to the best of their abilities, and he will be treated with the proper ceremonies to live a paradisiacal afterlife.

 When Rawk was a child, he had a beautiful bright yellow coat and was the most adorable, plump chick you ever did see. Being of wealthy status, he grew up eating, walking, and living in finery. His father, a man of etiquette and style, taught him to love gold. When Rawk began to find his own place in the world, he spent his wealth wisely on great amounts of rubies, silver, and gold. His abode became a museum to exhibit his many artifacts and finery, including a golden headdress, a golden goblet, a golden necklace, a golden elixir, and most importantly, a golden feather.

 At the age of 1 month, Amun-Rawk married his beautiful wife, Cluckopatra, daughter of the Pharaoh’s chief treasurer. This earned him considerable status. Rawk loved Cluckopatra, but out of 150 eggs, Rawk only received 2 children, Tutbawkhamen and Hatshepcluck – the rest of the eggs were mysteriously taken during the night. These chicks provided Rawk with an extraordinary family life, and he was a loving and dedicated father. His children learned to love the same golden riches as he.

Amun-Rawk was acquainted well with the Pharaoh, and in time, he became one of his most important friends and advisors. Rawk takes place in many hieroglyphics directly next to the Pharaoh.

 Rawk enjoyed eating, shopping, eating, shopping, and eating. He spent most of his time eating and shopping, and eating and shopping came naturally to him. He was an important participant of eating and shopping, and he especially liked to eat and shop. His most favorite activities were eating and shopping.

 Unfortunately, after living a long happy life for his 5 months, Rawk was mysteriously taken and was delivered dead, chopped, and stripped to the embalmers 2 weeks later. Though time was short, the embalmers learned many important things in the process of preserving his body.

 Today, Rawk will be buried with his many riches to enjoy in the afterlife. He is to be placed side by side with many other great leaders and subjects. In honor of his wishes, his coffin is of the purest gold and placed on the top is his beloved golden feather. May all his neighbors, friends and family remember him as an example of a good life (and afterlife!), and may his heart be the lightest of all.

In this photo (above) the chickens’ hearts (in the form of cookies) are being weighed by the gods in the afterlife. If the heart is heavier than a feather, it gets fed to a crocodile. (Probably it’s a crocodile god, whose name I would know if I’d been paying better attention.) There were a lot of heavy hearts at this funeral.

The burial.

In case you’re wondering whether I ever got to do anything this fun when I was in school: no. In case you’re wondering whether I love having to come up with costumes for school as often as we do: also no. But I do love my Mabel and my Rose.

This entry was posted in My kids actually are funny (and sweet and wonderful), Parenting. Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to How to dress like royalty

  1. the MomB says:

    I love your Mabel and your Rose, and Rose’s poses and Mabel’s prose, and that you rose to post before you doze.

  2. Lili says:

    I never have adequate comments. But I still read, and I still love to read. And I love your Rose and your Mabel. And I also particularly loved the 6th paragraph of the obit.

  3. iamforchange says:

    Beautiful Daughters and a beautiful story,thank you for sharing especially the pictures they are adorable!

  4. Virginia Wood says:

    I think you’d better find a manager NOW and start Mabel on the path to certain fame as a writer! WOW! I am astonished that in UTAH a teacher can get away with idolatrous projects that involve students embalming real chickens. In Virginia, the students are now dissecting frogs electronically.

    I imagine a teacher in Virginia might lose a job over such activities. My kids all had Egyptian projects in Elementary School. I do remember having to come up with costumes, but the projects were all Build a Model presentations. I don’t think anybody embalmed anything. Warren made a paper mache sarcophagus. I need to go back to school–as I can’t spell either mache or sarcophagus.

    Clever indeed! Loved the costume, Mom!

    Aunt Ginger

  5. Virginia Wood says:

    And boys without shirts in school? It would never happen here. Are you sure you live in Utah?


    • zstitches says:

      I’m thinking maybe I shouldn’t blog about these things, so they can continue to pass under the radar. (The boys did have their shirts on up until right before playing their roles as Egyptian gods, then promptly replaced them afterward.)

  6. Mary Ann says:

    Should you ever need to dress like an egyptian, we have a cleopatra collar and headdress that would look stunning with your outfit — Mabel for Halloween? Rose or Hazel? Come on down and borrow it! Excellent work! And I think you are pretty ceaselessly spunky yourself!

  7. Hah! Just wait until the “Christian Right” gets word of the Satanic rites those Mormons are teaching — in public schools!

    As for me, and no doubt some others of the “Mormon Wrong,” I love it! Let those kids learn all about every culture!

  8. Jbug says:

    May I add that not only was Mabel a pharaoh’s wife, but one of 7 wives and she was proclaimed the pharaoh’s favorite. ( besides his 8th one. ) 🙂

  9. Sue M says:

    I love hearing about your exceptionally clever kids. LOOK AT THE EYES!

  10. hannahholt says:

    Wow. Love Mabel’s obituary! How exactly did they embalm chickens? And they are digging them up later. I’m torn between eww and cool!

  11. Jane says:

    Oooh, I know!!!! They were the kind that already had their insides out and their heads off, and we cleaned them out, blow dryed them, then we put them in salt for a week, took them out, scraped it off, and did it again. When they were done, we wrapped them, made coffins, put some things in their coffins, and then burried them!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s