This month has been and will continue to be busy and crazy, and I was about to make a detailed list of how and why, but I think you’ll probably be content to take my word for it. At any rate, my days are packed with kids’ school projects, dentist and doctor visits, and some happy-but-demanding things like birthday parties to plan. I’ve been sick, overwhelmed, and sorry for myself, and then felt guilty for feeling sorry for myself. And the stress was making me absent-minded and forgetful, causing further complications. Also (as long as I’m being confessional) I was comforting myself in unsatisfying ways, like staying up too late or eating too many donuts. (Not that donuts aren’t comforting, but under normal circumstances just one or two does the trick.)
Today, finally having a few quiet hours at home, and especially as I unburdened myself in prayer, I finally got relief from my dour mood. I gave myself permission to hate my life, or at least parts of it, as I remembered that my Heavenly Father does care about my challenges, even if they’re not as hard as some others’ trials, and even if I also have many blessings. My difficulties don’t have to compete with others’ to count. At the same time, I gave myself permission to love my life–to find the little genuinely-satisfying moments, even if it’s just in conversations with my kids on the way to the dentist or doctor, or in finding an hour here or there to read a good book. After sorting out these thoughts, I felt much lighter and clearer and more hopeful. (I’m still having to avoid thinking too far ahead in my schedule to avoid panicking, though: “sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.”)
Meanwhile, I’d heard some clinking in the kitchen and had sort of known maybe I should go see what was going on. And this is what had been going on:
I had just gotten these clothes for Hazel out of storage this morning, and even Isaac had said, “That outfit is SO adorable!” (The relationship of a teen boy with a baby sister can be one of the sweetest things on this earth.) She got a good two hours’ wearing out of the outfit–and now the clothes are soaking in a basin of water and lemon Joy. Hazel got soaped and scrubbed and dressed in fresh clothes. She even seemed to enjoy her bath–and so did I. It was a pleasant little time of mother-daughter togetherness, one of those precious fleeting moments that everyone says you should cherish.
This afternoon I took all the kids to the dentist (two need to go back for spacers, and Henry needs his own visit next Tuesday, to have some cavities filled while under anesthesia, since otherwise he doesn’t tolerate his teeth being worked on) and then this evening Dean and I had a dinner at BYU and left early to get Mabel to a storytelling audition at the library and THEN, arriving home, when we got out of our minivan we saw we’d left a trail of water and coolant for as far back as we could see, and a huge puddle was forming under our engine.
So we had the car towed to the shop, and we’ve more-or-less figured out how to get where we need to tomorrow, sharing Dean’s car.
I’m so grateful I got my mood turned around before the butter and car incidents. “I will fear no evil, for thou art with me.“