Quid Essential NaNoWriMo Tips

Here it is!  A new malaprop post.  As usual, I used real-life collected word abuses to create a helpful article, while destroying my own ability to spell correctly or see straight.

Malaprop count: 60.  The “answer key” is below the post.  (Please note that the “answers” are my best guesses and could themselves be incorrect.)

Many thanks to my generous malaprop-collectors.  You can always send me more at writetozina at gmail dot com (which is my public email address that I check about twice a year, but am always happy to find messages there waiting for me).

If you have any attention of participating in National Novel Writing Month, this primmer will help make your novel as static as the latest best-sellers!  Whether you’re an amnature who just dapples, or you’ll be hocking your book for publishment, these hints will give you the modevation you need.  They are not just gimics, but true templets for success.

If your work is a memoir, it should be more than a travel log.  Don’t sensor yourself; bear your soul.  Your story should be teaming with cleaver whit.  It should be inciteful.  Specific details should be dually noted; one writer (name whithheld) wrote about his fraternal grandfather who was of Lebanese dissent, and went over his life with a magnafine glass.  This kind of pain-staking research shades light on the story.

Now, let’s say your work is fictitional.  If you want it to make a truly indelegible impression, to strike a cord, to have your readers pouring over your book until sleep alludes them, so that by the end of the story-ark they are balling their eyes out, here’s how:

Although your characters need enduring traits to make them likable, there has to be trouble in paradice. Smash your characters’ lives to smitherines and readers will emphasize with them.  Give them malignant deceases.  Describe the sha-grin of a dottering widow at a grave-sight.  Show paupers who eek out a living, making due only with necessities but no niceties.  Describe the heartwrending pain of  a man who has been malled.

Also, nobody cares about a boring plutonic relationship, so make sure every relationship is equipt with conflict.  Make your characters passionet!  Ease drop on conversations to make your dialog suddle and realistic, so readers can be on your characters’ waive length.

If you follow this advice strickly and do lots of find tuning, you can be sure your work won’t be utter trite.  Then you can play it by year, throwing in some poetic devices such as illiteration.  Viola!  You’re ready to send your quarry to the Editor and Chief.

Answer key:

quid essential (quintessential)

have any attention of (intention)

primmer (primer)

static (exciting, electric)

amnature (amateur)

dapple (dabble)

hocking (hawking)

publishment (publication)

modevation (motivation)

gimics (gimmicks)

templets (templates)

travel log (travelogue)

sensor myself (censor)

to bear one’s soul (bare)

teaming (teeming)

cleaver (clever)

whit (wit)

inciteful (insightful)

peak (peek)

dually noted (duly)

whithheld (withheld)

fraternal grandfather (paternal/maternal)

of Lebanese dissent (descent)

magnafine glass (magnifying)

pain-staking (painstaking)

shades light (sheds)

fictitional (fictitious/fictional)

indelegible (indelible)

strike a cord (chord)

pouring over (poring)

sleep alludes someone (eludes)

story-ark (story arc)

balling one’s eyes out (bawling)

enduring traits (endearing)

paradice (Paradise)

smitherines (smithereens)

emphasize (empathize)

deceases (diseases)

sha-grin (chagrin)

dottering (doddering)

grave sight (site)

eek out a living (eke)

making due (do)

only necessities, no niceties (luxuries)

heartwrending (heartrending)

malled (mauled)

plutonic relationship (platonic)

equipt (equipped)

passionet (passionate)

ease drop (eaves drop)

suddle (subtle)

waive length (wave)

strickly (strictly)

find tuning (fine)

utter trite (tripe)

play it by year (ear)

illiteration (alliteration)

viola (voilà)

quarry (query)

Editor and Chief  (editor-in-chief)

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15 Responses to Quid Essential NaNoWriMo Tips

  1. Acheté says:

    That was brilliant. I don’t know how you keep topping yourself. Thanks for the answer key; it becalms the soul to look upon sanity again.

    I stared at “necessities but no niceties” trying to find a misspelled word, haha. (The distinction between nice things and nice manners is apparently a nice one.) I also stared at “dialog” before reaffirming to myself that it’s a perfectly fine (the prefered American?) spelling, perhaps put on guard by the captain’s log of travels.

    “Fictitious” is of course another influence, although I think you’re right on the intent for that one.

    The culprit of “primmer” at least knows how to say it correctly, unlike readers who make Mary Ingalls try to decipher a half-painted wall!

    Take one more pain with the key, whose final iota of accuracy is at stake. (I love that one, by the way.)

    You missed “Viola!” in the key, so I now get a round count of 60.

    Sticklers like me still put the hyphens in “editor-in-chief”, although hyphens in general are dropping like flies these days. (Tiny long-bodied flies.)

    This novel genre is one of many things for which your genius is sheer.

    • zstitches says:

      Thanks for the recount and the answer-key corrections, T. (I did catch the pain-staking one when Dean was reading it on his laptop after I’d shut down my computer, and I did mean to have hyphens in editor-in-chief.) These malaprop endeavors really do render me half-blind and spelling-impaired.

      • Acheté says:

        The last bug never gets squashed without a new one popping up, for me either: it looks like “dialog” is indeed the prefeRRed American spelling for the mass noun indicating speech transcribed into text (or interactive computer text, as in “dialog box”), while a single live conversation is still a dialogue. You almost have to show the correct line-break-hyphenation of “pains-taking” to appreciate the beauty of staking pain. And speaking of hyphens, I missed an opportunity: those flies aren’t just tiny; they’re minuscule.

        • zstitches says:

          I only recently learned that “og” is usually the preferred American spelling of all those og-words, and that the reason Firefox kept rejecting my “ogue” spellings was because I was favoring British English. So here I thought I had dialog right (even though dialogue looked better to me) and I didn’t have it right, and English is stupid, and I give up.

          • Acheté says:

            Actually the new bug popping up I was referring to was my misspelling of “preferred”. I think, by American preference, when there is a dialogue between your characters, you are writing dialog–by which finicky distinction you would have been right the first time.

  2. Grandpa T says:

    My favorite:

    malignant deceases!

  3. Grandpa T says:

    Just noticed that “Quid Essential NaNoWriMo Tips” does not appear when you click the Malaprops link at the top of your blog. But Google already knows the phrase.

  4. Annette says:

    I don’t know how you do it–brilliant!

  5. Lili says:

    Bravo Bravo and again, Bravo!
    So so many goodn’s.
    (But “Play it by year, using poetic devices such as illiteration” made my jaw drop)

  6. Stephen says:

    I guffawe.

  7. rowenasews says:

    My favorite is balling their eyes out. These posts are such traysures.

  8. Pingback: Lightbulb Books » Blog

  9. Trina says:

    So hard to pick a favorite, but I couldn’t resist adding just a few thoughts.

    Just imagine what the world would be like if everyone wrote inciteful memoirs. . .

    Being malled does cause me pain, though it may not be quite heartwrending or heartrending–it may just be blisters and sticker-shock. . .

    Plutonic relationships are anything but boring what with the space travel and all . . .

    I got a kick out of all those editors and chiefs receiving quarries. I’m sure they love them. . .

    Nice job (I actually posted about this on FB, but couldn’t figure out how to tag you in my text–I thought there was a way, but I’m actually rather FB illiterate)!

  10. Shannon says:

    love it! So coot! (does that count?)

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