Putting the cart before the pink sparkly unicorn

I’ve just been realizing that when I write a nationally best-selling young adult novel, it’s going to create some problems for me. My publisher will want to send me on book tours and to book signings, and I won’t want to spend time away from my precious and numerous offspring. Or, to be more precise, I won’t want to spend time away from my offspring doing anything not strictly recreational. Also, as a weary middle-aged mom-of-five, I’m really not the ideal spokesperson for a popular book for youthful-type persons. And I have nothing to wear.

Happily, I’ve already come up with a solution to these obstacles: I’ll hire a beautiful smart young college student, make her memorize the answers to a few key questions (I’ve heard they always ask the same few questions at book functions) and send her on the book tours for me. This will leave me free to spend time with my adorable, adoring, perfectly-behaved posterity, and/or to sip lemonade on a beach (while reading someone else’s acclaimed young adult novel). Maybe I’ll even use a few of those free hours to write another nationally best-selling book.

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15 Responses to Putting the cart before the pink sparkly unicorn

  1. Tracy Hall Jr says:

    You are NOT middle-aged!

    • zstitches says:

      Of all the assumptions in this post that you could have challenged, I find it interesting that you chose this one. πŸ™‚

      (I would retort that I’m at midlife for a 76-year life expectancy, but a lady never tells her age.)

  2. Virginia Wood says:

    Now there’s a clever idea!

    Aunt Ginger

  3. Megan says:

    I’m glad you’re planning ahead on this. It would be awful to get published, have the book tours scheduled, and then be rushing at the last minute to find a stand-in.

  4. Kelly Bryson says:

    I loved the title of this post. As for the rest, now I’m worried. What if all the stand-ins are taken before I start looking?

  5. Jen says:

    I am very fond of the illustration on this post. I am waiting for Catching Fire from the Library at this very moment.

    • zstitches says:

      Thanks–I like this one, too.

      I’d loan you my copy of Catching Fire but by the cost to ship it back and forth probably makes the library the better option.

  6. I will definitely buy your book when you write it. I actually think the book tours would be the most fun part of the whole deal, I’d be happy to go in your place.

  7. Jennette says:

    If the book is a great as this post’s title, then it’s a best seller already! Love it.

  8. American Yak says:

    That bunny never gets old. But I admit not understanding the unicorn reference.

    Now, repeat after me: “I am a fabulously succesful author, I am a wondrously successul author, I am, I am, I am!!!”

    • zstitches says:

      Yes Yak, I think chanting will definitely help get that book written! And it’s so much easier than coming up with a plot or typing.

      Let me see if I can explain the post’s title. Okay, so I’m putting the cart before the horse because I’m worrying about what I’ll do after my book gets published when I haven’t even written the book, but the idea that my book will be nationally bestselling is about as realistic as my having a unicorn instead of a horse. (Clear as mud?)

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