Sentences you never expect to hear yourself say

Rose says, “Mom, my balloon doesn’t float anymore.”

I look at the crumpled Mylar balloon.  “Yeah, balloons don’t last forever.”

“Mabel shouldn’t have given it a real shot.”

“Mabel gave your balloon a shot?”

“She gave it a real shot, with a real needle.”

“MABEL!! Come here!  We don’t poke needles in our sisters’ balloons.  You’re going to have to give her your balloon.”

Other sentences I probably shouldn’t admit to having said to Rose this morning include:

“I don’t have time to make oatmeal for you.   You’re just going to have to eat cold cereal,” and “You can’t go outside to help Daddy shovel the walks.  There’s not enough time, you haven’t eaten breakfast yet, and I still need to do your hair.”  And it’s just embarrassing to be standing at the garage door in your pajamas, after your husband’s left for work, shouting at your daughter, “If you don’t come inside and put away that snow shovel by the time I count to ten, I’m going to take away Lambie. One, two . . ”  I got to seven before she obeyed me, and even then she threw the shovel on the driveway until I said it would get run over.  It’s a little camp shovel that she thinks is designed to be a kid-sized snow shovel.  Maybe I’ll be a nice mom and let her do some shoveling this afternoon.  Maybe I’ll even make her some oatmeal for lunch.

In her brother’s footsteps:  Rose watched Ike shovel snow on a Sunday in December

(Also, I’m noticing that if I cropped Rose out of these photos, Isaac would fit perfectly into one of those Sprint commercials they’ve been showing on Hulu that feature a color scheme of black and white with a splash of bright yellow.  Not that I have any inclination to promote ANY mobile phone company at the moment.)

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This entry was posted in My kids actually are funny (and sweet and wonderful), Parenting. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Sentences you never expect to hear yourself say

  1. Lis says:

    I hear myself saying things I never thought I’d have to say all the time. Usually they are along the lines of, “please stop choking your brother.” But then this morning I had a conversation with my 2 almost 3 year old about whether or not doctors have to have clean bums. Every day is a new adventure.

  2. Jen says:

    Haha. I only count to three for Grace. Will this increase with age?

    • zstitches says:

      Three is the way to go. I’m afraid I count to whatever number pops out of my mouth at the end of the sentence “I’m going to count to,” and varies from about three up to maybe twenty. No matter how high I count, my kids wait until I’m nearly done counting to obey me, so I think you’ll do well to keep the number the same.

  3. Annette says:

    There’s something about motherhood that brings out the oddest statements. I remember the first time it happened to me. My oldest was maybe two and a half, and my next was about six months old.

    I found myself saying, “Don’t put a pot on your sister’s head.”

    I had to rewind that and then shake my head. Little did I know that it was one of thousands of unanticipated sentences to come . . .

  4. OhSusanna says:

    Every time Patrick or I say something along those lines to one of our kids we follow it up with “take that diaper off of your head and put it back on your sister right now!” (see Raising Arizona).

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