Resolved

In 2010, I will:

-Create an illusion of weight-consciousness by never allowing another human being to see me eat.  All my eating will be done in secret.  Dorito crumbs in the closet, here I come!

-Cook dinner for my family every single time that I feel like it and have the ingredients and don’t have time or money to go out to eat and don’t have anything handy to reheat.

-Tell myself I’m going to do lots of creative sewing, but actually do boatloads of mending and ironing.  (“Boatloads” is an actual unit of measurement applicable to my family’s mending and ironing output.)

-Think of lots of fun craft and party ideas to not do with my kids.

-Alternate periods of swearing off spending time on my blog with periods of feeling guilty about not keeping up my blog.  Ditto for keeping up on reading friends’ blogs. And blogs of strangers.

-Write hundreds of blog posts without writing anything a) important, or b) substantial.  I know I can accomplish this one because I’ve done it before.

-Create feelings of virtue and nobility by bemoaning all the things I’m failing at as a parent (such as teaching my kids French, providing music lessons, and providing socks).  Make a comprehensive list of these failures, and periodically discuss, examine, and write blog posts about the items on the list.

-Read a book.  Maybe two.  Maybe one of them will not be a fantasy novel aimed at young adult readers.  (But I’m keeping my options open.)

-Sleep.  Preferably, sleep a lot.  Preferably not at night (night is for reading blogs and sewing mending and ironing).

How about you, what are you going to do differently do exactly the same in 2010?

Not my actual closet (sadly).

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9 Responses to Resolved

  1. Amy says:

    hilarious. I love your resolutions!!

  2. Jen says:

    I only have one resolution every year, but this year I might have two: Run a 5K for the t-shirt (this is a VERY big resolution for me) and Be more frugal. That’s a nice vague one I can probably go easy on the guilt about.

  3. Jen says:

    Also, if I wrote a longer list, many items would be parallel to yours.

  4. Megan says:

    My favorite is number two. I have been doing that one for years! Good thing my husband is self-reliant and knows how to make taco meat! Happy 2010!

  5. Lili says:

    hahahahahah. I hadn’t read this yet when you were talking about it at mom’s today. Love it. And like Rosie says, that is a pretty picture of you sitting in the closet eating chips.

  6. beth says:

    It is eerie how similar your resolutions are to mine.

  7. Mrs. Organic says:

    I would love to sleep more. But maybe I should try for getting to sleep at a more reasonable hour – say 1 am instead of 2?

  8. Stephen says:

    I thank God for your unimportant and/or insubstantial blogposts.

  9. Melanie J says:

    Totally my kind of list. These are resolutions I can get behind.

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