Have a celebration your prosperity will be recanting for years to come!

A long-awaited malaprop post!  These too-rare posts (hey, they are hard work!) happen when I gather real-life malapropisms and misspellings from all over the web, and work them into an original composition. Submissions can always be sent to my gmail address writetozina.

Previous malaprop posts can be found here.

Malaprop count, including title:  41. The “answers” can be found below.

I have a great idea and I’m all a titter about it! We always hear that it’s to our determent that we only think about the real reasons for Christmas during the short spand of time before and after the holiday, and that “Peace on Earth” should be our buss word all year long. This got me thinking, and it didn’t require a degree in rocket surgery to come up with an even better idea. This Yule-tied, I would like to purpose that instead of trying to remember Noelle all year, we can make Christmas dubbly meaningful by celebrating all the other holidays at Christmas time!

For example, in early honor of St. Valentine’s Day, wrap up a pretty boustiea and put it under the tree. (But nothing too risky or lude or in modest if there will be children around—remember that little pictures have big ears!) And why you wouldn’t want to follow that up with a little celebrating of the luck o’ the Irish is beside me! Then, whether or not you follow the tenants of Christianity, a pretty basket with chocolate bunnies and eggs full of candy is a shear delight, any time of year.

Least we forget, add a patriotical note to the festivities. In honor of the soldiers who defend our country with their oozies, as well as all the refugees who’ve come to our teaming shores, “The Star-Spangled Banner” is the perfect little diddy to add to your holiday caroling. And step outside for a quick picnic and a round of bad mitten while you’re at it! Next, what could be cuter than adding kids customed as witches and ghosts to your Nativity? And, with no further adeau, round out your holiday festivities and cleanse your palat with a delicious Thanksgiving dinner—don’t forget the candied yams to illicit happy memories! Last but not least, before your group dissembles, ring in the New Year. But make sure you use designated drivers so no one drives erotically on the way home.

I am more and willing to expand more, but I trust you impeccably to listen tentatively to this message. Don’t pount, don’t cry, and don’t take the holiday for granite! Keep alive the reminance of that era when holidays were chalk full of meaning, and use this full-proof method to keep the real meaning of ALL the holidays in your Christmas celebration, amidst all the hussell and bussell of the season.

Answer key:

prosperity (posterity)
recanting (recounting)
all a titter (atwitter)
determent (detriment)
spand of time (span)
buss word (buzz word)
doesn’t require a degree in rocket surgery (science)
Yule-tied (Yuletide)
purpose (propose)
dubbly (doubly)
Noelle (Noel)
boustiea (bustier)
risky (risque)
lude (lewd)
in modest (immodest)
little pictures have big ears (pitchers)
why you wouldn’t . . . is beside me (beyond me)
follow the tenants of (tenets)
shear (sheer)
least we forget (lest)
patriotical (patriotic)
oozies (UZIs)
refugees to teaming shores (teeming)
little diddy (ditty)
bad mitten (badminton)
customed (costumed)
with no further adeau (ado)
palat (palate)
illicit (elicit)
dissemble (disassemble)
drive erotically (erratically)
more and willing (more than willing)
expand (expound)
I trust you impeccably (implicitly)
listen tentatively (attentively)
pount (pout)
taking it for granite (granted)
reminance of that era (remnants)
chalk full (chock)
full-proof (fool-proof)
hussell and bussell (hustle and bustle)

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18 Responses to Have a celebration your prosperity will be recanting for years to come!

  1. mauritia says:

    Woooww… Nice post here! 😀

  2. Liz says:

    Got them all but “risky.” I think an in modest or lude boustiea could be risky!

    Great holiday post. Especially love the oozie picture.

  3. Acheté says:

    Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant as always. I got exactly the same list except that “palat” should actually be palate, not palette. I also prefer “disperses” even to the correct “disassembles”, and I’m guessing that “reminants” might have been influenced by “reminiscences”.

    You missed a chance to reach 42: I’m sure there’s ample attestation that the escorts of those ghosts should be whitches.

    • zstitches says:

      That’s what I get for including an answer key. I agree with your improvements.

      • zstitches says:

        Except maybe for the whitches one. It’s true there are about 417,000 instances of that on Google, but that’s not a whole lot compared to 57,500,000 instances of the correct spelling.

        Anyway, I usually avoid making up malaprops (with occasional exceptions guided only by whim).

  4. Jennette says:

    I love these! I’m trying to choose a favorite from this bunch….”rocket surgery” or “driving erotically” have a tie right now! Bravo.

  5. Trina says:

    Wow, Zina, you’re really pushing some limits here aren’t you? I mean I never would have expected you to write about erotic driving and illicit yams–at least not in the same post! Shocking, really! 🙂

  6. Lili says:

    bless you, you have made my day.

  7. Jen says:

    Yaaaaaaay! I love malaprop posts. I remember getting in a dither and having to look up the word erratic when I was in high school when Alex wrote me a note that said, “You may think this is the product of an erratic mind,” and I thought it meant erotic. He is now my husband of 5+ years, who I made wait for me until we were 23 and 24 to get married. Thank goodness I wasn’t too judgmental of his erraticism.

  8. the MomB says:

    U haz outdid yoursef. This is the parity of parities.

  9. Thora says:

    I too loved the Oozie, and the erotic driving, not to mention the illicit yam memories. I was also excited to see two submitted malapropisms (I had to look up the plural on that one) in there – it makes me feel special.

    I’ve been waiting a long time for the latest Malaprop post – they’re always a fun read!

  10. Jeeves says:

    Ah, yes. Driving erotically has been a long time favorite of mine.

  11. DeLaina says:

    My favorites are “driving erotically” and the “soldiers with oozies” (which conjured up “pitchers” of flesh wounds, like really bad owies turn into oozies). Laugh out loud funny, Zina. Props to you! (Or maybe “malaprops” would be more appropriate.) Either way, well done.

  12. Aunt Madam says:

    I have just informed my sister who is the source of the “driving erotically” quote that she is now famous on the internet. She is amused. Fun post.

  13. Megan says:

    I always enjoying reading your malaprop posts! Thanks for taking the time to post.

  14. DeNae says:

    I ADORN malapropisms! I’m positively PROSTATE with anticipation of your next post!

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