No, Susanna, you can’t have my baby. But there are four other kids here you can borrow for a day. Or a month.

Let’s say you get your carpets cleaned and stain-treated, and you carefully explain to your kids that they can only walk on the carpet in their bare feet until the carpet dries completely.  They must not walk on the carpet while wearing socks.  Let’s say that you assume that this will be sufficient instruction.  Let’s also say that you have horrible children.  Within the next two hours of your giving these very specific instructions, they will:

-Sit on the carpet

-Kneel on the carpet

-Lie down on the carpet

-Leave large fluffy stuffed animals on the carpet

-Put on bunny slippers and walk around on the carpet

-Leave clothes and socks lying on the carpet

-While playing “airplane,” pull the cushions off the fabric couch and leave them on the carpet

-Leave books face-down on the carpet

-Cry when you yell at them about the above infractions

-Seem totally unconcerned when you yell at them about the above infractions

In happier news, although they are still sick, Hazel and Henry are sufficiently improved that it appears they’ll definitely survive this round of croup.  Which is more than I can say for the other kids with this round of carpet cleaning.

Here are some photos I snapped a few Sundays ago (which I’m posting to remind myself of happier times, and of possible reasons to keep my children).

This entry was posted in Health or lack thereof, Meanwhile in the real world, My kids think they're funny, Parenting. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to No, Susanna, you can’t have my baby. But there are four other kids here you can borrow for a day. Or a month.

  1. Lili says:

    … But can _I_ have your baby?

  2. Mrs. Organic says:

    Oh that Henry – I’ll take him.

  3. Jennette says:

    And here I was asking Adam tonight if it was just my children who acted this way when I give them specific instructions about something (I wish it were about getting our carpet cleaned).

    p.s. Did you make the girls’ flower headbands? Olivia found a flower headband in the parking lot of the YMCA and I made her turn it in to the Lost and Found, but it was killing her to do it. I guess I need to get/make her one. If you made it, can you share with me your magic? Or where I can go spend the big bucks to make her dreams come true.

    • zstitches says:

      I put the flowers on clips and then we clip them onto dollar store headbands.

      These are NOT hard to make–the biggest obstacle is trying not to burn your fingers with the hot glue–although it is a bit of work to assemble all the supplies. I think your girls are probably old enough that they could even help make them and would enjoy it (especially since you say that, like mine, they’re so good at following instructions).

      On the other hand, they’re not terribly expensive to buy–I’ve seen them for a few dollars at places in the mall. Or you could try Etsy.

  4. Megan says:

    You should have known that telling them not to go on the carpet would make them want to play on the carpet even more! And I don’t remember any instructions regarding stuffed animals, books, couch cushions and bunny slippers mentioned in the original instructions! Just kidding, I hope you’re feeling better after such a frustrating day. Maybe time for some chocolate?

  5. the MomB says:

    It just struck me that a woman can ask the mother of an infant, “Can I have your baby?” But she can’t ask the father that same question.

    Hey kids, GET OFF THAT CARPET!

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