Speaking of tape (see photo in previous post) (which this post belies the premise of (I mean the premise of the post, not the premise of the photo)

Here’s another post stolen from Facebook:

Zina: Within the last year I’ve purchased at least 12 rolls of Scotch tape, and now when I need tape I can’t find a single roll, not even one of the two rolls I had hidden in my sewing room. All our scissors are missing, too. Grrrrrr.

Zina: Just discovered stapler also missing. Battery cover to electric pencil sharpener missing (rendering it unusuble.)

Zina: Er, unusable

Jason: How very frustrating. Did they fall down the invisible pit that opens in a household when small children are being raised?

Charlotte: Now that all my kids are out of the house–all my scissors have reappeared and 10 rolls of scotch tape sit nicely in my drawer. Do you want me to send you some?

Zina: Yes, Jason, it’s a very full pit full of great treasure–and is found at the end of the rainbow, I imagine.

Thanks, Aunt Charlotte! That’s very kind. I did finally find one roll with just enough left on it to do what I needed, which was to mend one of the kids’ books. Before that I remembered there might be a roll in the box with the gift wrap under my bed, but going upstairs sounded too hard. I’ve decided to stock up again on my next Costco trip, and to resign myself to a household tape consumption of at least 1 roll/month. (I also considered buying a heavy dispenser, bolting it down to my desk, and decorating it with razor blades.)

Zina: Just looking at phone company’s promotion of a special phone number to address the issues of: “What’s on your mind?” and “How can we help?” I’m thinking I should call with whatever’s in my Fb status: “No matter how many rolls of tape I buy, there’s never one around when I need it! How can you help me with this problem?! Do you think cutting off my children’s hands is a good solution?”

Kristy: I think you should try it just to see what their reaction is.

Zina: For a second I thought you meant I should try cutting off the kids’ hands to see what their reaction is. (Surprise and dismay, I’d predict.)

This is where the illustration for this post should go, but since my Google Image Search for “coloring pages severed fingers” yielded no results, I’ll just describe what I was looking for. In Berkeley, California, there’s a wonderful shop called “Lacis” that was started by Jules and Kaethe Kliot, that features antique clothing, linens, laces, trims, and all sorts of books and supplies for making lace and other rare forms of handwork. (Here’s a link to the website.) I always try to stop there and spend some money whenever I get to visit the Bay Area. Kaethe Kliot died several years ago and the shop was converted to a historical nonprofit organization. I’m not certain, but I think the last time I was there (a couple of years ago) they had taken down the signs Kaethe had had up all over the store. The old signs said “DO NOT TOUCH!” and had a drawing of a child’s hand with the fingers chopped off.

This entry was posted in I think I'm not funny, Other people are funny, Parenting. Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to Speaking of tape (see photo in previous post) (which this post belies the premise of (I mean the premise of the post, not the premise of the photo)

  1. Kristina P. says:

    I need to follow you more closely on Facebook! I’m never on there.

  2. Danielle says:

    Oh my goodness, I cannot stop laughing at your post tonight. How hilarious! Thank you for this (it’s been a long Sunday)!!

  3. zstitches says:

    Kristina, (not that you’ll ever come back and see this reply,) it would be hard for you to follow me on Fb since we’re not friends there. I did just try to add you the other day, but so far you’ve ignored me; probably because you’re never there. (But if you’re never there, then what’s the point, right?)

    Danielle, I was in a mood where I was even making myself giggle, so I’m so happy this had that effect on someone else. Then like an hour after I wrote these posts I felt stupid and wanted to delete them all. I wonder if professional comedians ever just feel stupid. (Because, really, they should.)

  4. the MomB says:

    I know where that picture Kaethe posted of the chopped-off fingers comes from (I was with you in that shop once and saw it), if only I can think of what it’s called! It’s a very famous admonitory German picture book of what (supposedly) happens to children who don’t do what they should. Virtually all German children born from sometime in the 19th C. through my generation were exposed to that book.

  5. the MomB says:

    @ Z– This is in response to your amazing Struwwelhitler find (since we exhausted the provided number of “Reply” indents): Holy wow.

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