Just another story of unrequieted love

Here’s another always-overdue installment in my malapropism series, in which I and my crack addicts team of helpers collect real-life mistakes and misspellings, which I combine into some semblance of a coherent composition. Malaprop count: 47. See previous malaprop posts by clicking here.

I don’t want to be the barer of bad news, so let me say right now that my health is in tack and the nogules in my throught are gone. Good riddens! I guess I have good kharma. Thank goodness for a tight nit group of friends that shows old fashion kindness and would go to the mattress for me.

Sense my last addition, so much has happened, and I want to insure I cover my basis. Rumors have been running rampid! Encase you heard something ridicules about me, let me say that this summer I have not sewn my wild oats. It is all heresay. To give you an inkling into the situation, all you have to do is go out to dinner with someone at some whole in the mall, and, whala! people are all disproving. I don’t see why they make such a gynormous deal about something as trifle as that. I’m not nieve or fridged or anything, but believe me, this relationship is not going at mock speed, and the guy is anything but a stocker. In fact, for the timebeing his disinterest is starting to make me think I don’t pass mustard. It’s too bad, because as a perspective partner he suits me to the tea, but I’m not so self-diluted as to think he’s showing a smigin of interest. Sometimes I even think the forces of nature are colliding against me and I will be that old bitty who never finds her sole mate.

Well, need less to say, this is barely scathing the surface, but the rest is self explanitary. With no further adieu, it’s just the stero-type story of a girl who is still hoping, albeit the lack of a financee. But such as life.

PassTheMustard

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28 Responses to Just another story of unrequieted love

  1. Jason says:

    Wow. In my mind, I can re-create your authorial experience, but I don’t think I could imitate your product.

  2. lili says:

    WOW and HAHAHA! Could this be your best yet? I think so!
    whole in the mall, sole mate, and what the?– go to the mattress? I can’t even think of that that is _meant_ to be?

    • Jason says:

      On “go to the mattress,” what comes to mind is the phrase from mafia literature, “going to the mattresses.” It means getting in position for battle with a rival group.

      If that was not the phrase that was malapropped, then I can’t either figure out what was meant…”go to bat for me?”

    • the MomB says:

      If you’re willing to go to the mat for someone or something, you’re volunteering to fight the villain to the ground. The phrase comes from wrestling.

  3. Annette says:

    self-diluted and scathing the surface . . . hahahahahaa!!!

    This one’s a beaut.

  4. Melanie J says:

    In tack and whala make me crazy! I wonder if they phase anyone else?

  5. marymary says:

    Just 5 minutes ago, I saw yet another variation: “Ouala!”

  6. TracyDadGrandpa says:

    Love the icon! Never did pass mustard!

  7. Acheté says:

    Brilliant, brilliant as always. You are a connoisseur (-euse?) and a jeweler.

    I agree with the count, assuming you were including the title and counting “whole in the mall” as two.

    • zstitches says:

      I was counting “whole in the mall” as one–hmm, I wonder what I over-counted or you missed. I wonder if “inkling into” is the one you’re not counting but I am? I’m pretty sure it’s only correctly used as “inkling of,” but I don’t know how to prove my theory.

  8. zstitches says:

    “Go to the mat” for something means to fight for it. It comes from wrestling. For example, “I oppose federally administrated health care, and I’m willing to go to the mat for it.”

    • zstitches says:

      Oh, sorry, I missed that Mom already answered this one.

      Honestly, I don’t think I quite did “going to the mattress” justice–it’s ripe with possibility.

    • the MomB says:

      It would be hard to do justice to “go to the mattress for it,” but your example pretty much makes up for that.

      I can’t find justification for it either, but “inkling into” sounds wrong to my ear. There are plenty of cases where using no preposition is perfectly OK, tho’, as in “They hadn’t an inkling how to go about it.” Googling, I find many instances of “inkling into,” so either I’m mistaken (nah), or (more likely) usage is changing.

      • zstitches says:

        “Inkling into” has a LOT fewer instances in a Google search than “inkling of.” I think “inkling into” sounds wrong if you’re thinking of “inkling” as meaning “idea,” or some synonym of that, but it could I suppose work (although it hurts my ears) if you’re thinking of it as “glimpse.” But, like I said, it’s fingernails on the chalkboard as far as I’m concerned.

        • the MomB says:

          Moi aussi.

        • bob hazy says:

          Technically, “inkling into” is ok; both “of” and “into” are prepositions.

          • zstitches says:

            I think the question is which preposition is traditionally associated with the word. If you take inkling’s synonyms of “hint, idea, suggestion, or notion” ( http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/inkling ) you can compare how they sound with “of” versus “into”: “I had no idea of his affection,” vs. “I had no idea into his affection,” “There was a hint of Spring in the air,” vs. “there was a hint into Spring,” “He had no notion of right and wrong” vs. “He had no notion into right and wrong.” Yes, the synonyms are also sometimes used with different prepositions or with no prepositions, but I just don’t think that “into” sounds right with any of them (any more than it sounds right with “inkling”).

  9. Trina says:

    Once again, genius!

  10. Jen says:

    Beeee ewe tea ful.

  11. tonks says:

    Zina-this one’s a butte:-) Best yet! And you got it done before school started-even more impressive.

  12. Mrs. Organic says:

    How do you manage to top yourself every time? This one takes the cake!

  13. American Yak says:

    Quick! Cover your basis! Cover your basis!

    And while you’re at it, don’t pass any mustard!

    Okay, seriously, best one yet. It suddenly (why hadn’t this occurred to me before? Am I that dense? Or is it just that I use too many malaprops to realize easily?) dawned on me just how genius these are/you are. Seriously funny. You had me in fits.

    It’s given me an inklinkg into your work.

  14. American Yak says:

    Ugh. I think “inklinkg” is Klinkgon for “inkling.”

  15. Jennette says:

    Brilliant! I’m laughing to hard to even think strait!

  16. OhSusanna says:

    WOW.

  17. Thora says:

    This one is awesome. I know I’m really late commenting on it, but I was yet again reminded how great it was, when my friend Frau Magister linked to it. She’s a college friend of mine, who knows your sister, and had MA’s husband as a professor, and the meta links go on and on.

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