Remorselessly I wield my red pen

I finally read “Breaking Dawn.” Some of you have heard me mention, among other concerns about the books, that (putting it delicately) I think the Twilight books could have been written just a tad more . . . concisely. But out of all 2443 pages, if I had to choose just one passage  I could rewrite, it would be this one:

Original version (Breaking Dawn, p. 327):

Bella wiped the back of her hand under her wet eyes. “I kicked a few things around. Playing with Renée and Esme. I was thinking . . . Ruh-nez-may.”


“R-e-n-e-s-m-e-e. Too weird?”

“No, I like it,” Rosalie assured her.

Revised version, after my red pen gets hold of it:

“R-e-n-e-s-m-e-e. Too weird?”

“Definitely.  Seriously, Bella, don’t go there. I know vampires don’t normally barf, but if you name your baby vampire girl that, I will have to vampire hurl every time I hear it.  And you  don’t want to see vampire hurl.  I’m begging you, Bella.  Think of the baby.  Think of her future.  Not even a vampire should have to go through life sounding like they were named after a tawdry perfume.”


This entry was posted in Books/Movies/TV/etc., I think I'm funny, Me? Opinionated?. Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Remorselessly I wield my red pen

  1. Kristina says:

    You. are. awesome.

  2. Mrs. Organic says:

    If only! Now that would have been an interesting book.

  3. Lili says:


  4. Jen says:


  5. tonks says:

    ROFL! So true. Pity the poor person who gets to play her in the movie version. Maybe that entire section could be edited out?

  6. baby hat says:

    That is the funniest thing I’ve read all week! Brilliant!

  7. Hannah says:

    Logan and I are both laughing (except Logan doesn’t really know why he’s laughing). He just laughs every time I break into hysterics. LOOOOOOOve the picture. ARROOOO!!

  8. American Yak says:


    WHERE did you find that image?!?!?!?

  9. zstitches says:

    Yak, I did a Google Image search for “perfume ad” and then did a little Photoshopping.

  10. American Yak says:

    So funny. Now that I think about it…I think I’ve actually seen this ad before…!!

  11. OhSusanna says:

    Dear Zina,

    I haven’t read your blog for a while and have spent the last hour catching up. I have not laughed so hard and so long for a long time. Thank you.

    Your loving sister,


  12. chelsea says:

    Found your blog and this post off TAMN’s. Love it.

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