The great get-a-way!

And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for:  a new malaprop post. This is my ongoing (and also frequently onstopping) series in which I collect fabulous mistakes and misspellings (if any of them were yours, I thank you heartily) and then, with great effort, combine them into sparkling new blog posts. Writing research papers in college was easier.

I think there are 31 malaprops here (Tracy, feel free to correct my count.) (Update:  The final count is in, and for once I got it right — 31 malaprops, or 32 if you count the title.)

Now that my baby is out of my whom and I’m done with the postpardum stage, I’m ready to be done with the duldrums. I’ve had enough of living var cariously and making due through reading other people’s blogs about their fun vacations and all the great momentos they bring back. I am so hairbrained I almost fell for a mesmorizing timeshare sells pitch — I got all gunho after I saw the shinny brochure. It’s a good thing my help mate isn’t as guilable as I am and he talked me out of it. So for a concelation, he has been promising me on a daily bases that even if worse comes to worse, we will find something fun to do this summer. I will hold him to it or the forces of karma will enforce upon him! He’s into splunking so he wants to go somewhere with caves, but traipsen around in the dark isn’t really my idea of fun – it’s more like being in some post-apoplectic horror movie, and symotaniously so boring I’m sure it would make me not off. I say if it doesn’t put me at risk for basil-cell carcinoma, it’s not a real summer activity! Honest engine, I just want to relish in some descent ready-maid type of activity. Not that I bear my husband any ilk, since I’m sure it will all turn out honky-dory. Soon, instead of me clodding up this blog with kid stories, you’ll be reading all about our outrages summer fun!

[Update: If you’re visiting from Reddit, here’s a link to the archives of my other malaprop posts.]

This entry was posted in I think I'm funny, Malaprops, Other people are funny. Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to The great get-a-way!

  1. Mrs. Organic says:

    “apoplectic horror movie”
    “basil-cell carcinoma”
    “Honest engine”
    those are drink snorters. I love these posts. I think you’re funny, too.

  2. Lili says:

    That. Was. AWESOME.
    Honest engine!
    I think I was the one who shared ready-maid with you. yeah, I’m sure it was because now I remember how awesome it was. The original context was a bachelor saying he would have a hard time dating a single mom, because he wasn’t ready for a ready-maid family. haha.

    Did you notice that on mary’s blog the other day, I wrote “did you stalk up on phoenix feathers…?”

  3. Annette says:

    As a fellow word nerd, these posts bring me so much joy.

  4. Kristina says:

    Outrages indeed! I hope to see you today!

  5. TAMN says:

    I don’t get it.

    I love sells pitches.

  6. Acheté says:

    Count of 31 verified, including the title, although “forces of karma will enforce upon him” almost should count as two, and I hesitated at the intransitive use of “relish”. I have to grant it as standard usage, though, since Google prefers [“to relish in some”] (including this post at #2!) over [“to relish some”] by an overwhelming hundreds-to-one margin, even though Google also prefers [“to relish the”] over [“to relish in the”] by a tens-to-one margin. It’s odd that replacing a definite noun by an indefinite mass noun would switch the standard usage from transitive to intransitive.

  7. Acheté says:

    Okay, I take it back, and Google has a bug. I’m flagging “to relish in some” as nonstandard, bringing my count to 32. The 757,000 instances that Google claims to have found for [“to relish in some”] turn out to number only 35 (or at most 43, including repetitions) when you actually follow them through. Strange.

  8. Lili says:

    hahaha! TAMN, I heart you! Do you have a brother I can date, so I can be in your family for rills?

  9. zstitches says:

    I forgot to count the title, Tracy, so I get the same count you do. (I think the person who used “relish in” was confusing it with “revel.” Or something.)

  10. Hannah says:

    Mmmm basil-cell carcinoma. Love it!

  11. pilcrow says:

    Out of my whom! A ha ha ha ha!

  12. pilcrow says:

    Honest engine. Was that one I found? Anyway, I adored it. This may be your finest update ever. Thank you, thank you.

  13. the MomB says:

    I get the same number as you and T (unless you count var cariously as two, which maybe we should). That’s in just 10 sentences and a title. I don’t know how you do that. These make me laugh so hard.

  14. Jen says:

    I have been waiting for this and meaning to pester about when it would appear.

  15. OhSusanna says:

    post-apoplectic horror movie actually works really well.

  16. OhSusanna says:


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