I also have opinions on weightier matters

Living with me (or, in some cases, reading my blog,) means you might sometimes be subjected to monologues such as the following, sometimes even before nine in the morning:

“Those six boxes of BandAids™ that I bought at Costco each has some fingertip bandages,” [side note: since I have the right size of family for purchasing bandages in bulk, I searched for BandAids™ at Costco a few months ago, but learned that they’re a “seasonal item,” so when I saw a coupon for them a couple of weeks ago I decided it must be the season, and bought as much as the coupon allowed] “so I opened up one of the boxes to use one on this cut on my thumb [that I got while I was using the mandoline, and wondering how short the piece of zucchini needed to be before it was imperative to use the finger guard.] But then I discovered that there are only five fingertip bandages in each box, so I could have just about gone through all six boxes just on this one injury, so I just went back to using regular bandages on it. And you know what else really bugs me that BandAid™ and its generic imitators do? They sell the fingertip bandages bundled with an equal amount of knuckle bandages, and I’m always getting fingertip injuries but practically never get knuckle injuries, so you always end up with a whole bunch of the stupid knuckle bandages left over. I mean, who gets knuckle injuries? Maybe if you were an ape. And your knuckles dragged on the ground.”


Update: A sick kid sitting on your lap, (Henry, who has strep, again,) can inspire new flights of Photoshop fancy — for example, to go along with the butterfly bandage, a caterpillar bandage:


This entry was posted in I think I'm funny, Taking self-deprecation to a remedial level. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to I also have opinions on weightier matters

  1. Erin says:


    P.S. Cute butterfly. I wonder if my four year old would be less likely to howl if I attempted to put a band-aid on him that looked like a butterfly?

  2. Kristina says:

    This is so true! I always just want a regular Bandaid and there’s usually 2 in the box!

  3. Band-aids are the most-sneaked item of choice in our home. Every time I go in the bathroom there are like 25 Band-aid wrappers on the floor. It drives me nuts. Today we went to the zoo and had to borrow a band-aid from a school group. I guess I should be carrying them in my purse instead of keeping them in the bathroom where the thieves dwell.

    • zstitches says:

      My usual policy on BandAids™ is that there has to be blood, but I’ve been known to relax the policy to get a screaming child to quiet down.

  4. Mrs. Organic says:

    Bandaids are my youngest’s favorite thing in the world right now. I think she might be getting scrapes on purpose now – because we have the “blood policy” too.

  5. Libilu says:

    I get knuckle injuries, but just because I’m so clumsy. Band-Aids are the most commonly stolen item in our house, too. No matter how minor the injury, or whether or not there is blood, or even an injury at all, every child under the age of eight who comes through the house gets a Band-Aid at some point. Or two. Or five.

  6. the MomB says:

    Wow, I love the BandAids™ art.

    I buy a box of 30 regular-sized (c. ¾” x 3″) Flexi-Fabric™ Curad™ bandages @ WalMart™ for 96¢. Actually I buy many of them. I just bought two boxes on Friday. My kids are all grown but I still find bandage wrappers on tables, the floor, etc., & we still go through them pretty fast. Now and then I also buy a package of 100 in assorted sizes & shapes (also Curad™, also @ WalMart™, also @ a good price).

    Because you’re right, the ratio of bandage styles in the big boxes is wrong.

    p.s. I made up Flexi-Fabric™, but the Curad™ ones are great, & made of a nice flexible fabric that doesn’t smell sour (like the generic brands usually do). I don’t know why BandAids™ are so much pricier (even @ CostCo™, I seem to remember) than Curad™. I just love that ™ mark. ™™?

  7. zstitches says:

    Good to know, Mom. I rarely go to WalMart (so rarely that one could reasonably accurately say “never”) but that’s one more reason to try to get there once in a while — Target generic bandages are still pretty pricey.

    The thing about still finding bandage wrappers lying around is NOT good news, though.

  8. OhSusanna says:

    I get knuckle injuries, but I never use the knuckle band-aids. I get scrapes, bruises, and cuts everywhere. Libby is right about the bandage usage in our house. I also have band-aid thieves and find wrappers all over the floor in EVERY room. And it also drives me nuts.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s