Self-comprehension through Facebook quizzes

Every day on Facebook, people are uncloaking profound buried truths and deep psychological insights, thanks to the delicately honed scientific instrument known as the Facebook quiz. Here are a couple examples (created by me) that show just how useful a tool the Facebook quiz can be:

Quiz A. Are you strikingly beautiful, hideously ugly, or something in-between?

1. When children see you, do they:

a. Stare in awe
b. Smile shyly
c. Ignore you
d. Run away screaming

2. In high school, were you voted:

a. Most attractive
b. Most likely to succeed
c. Nothing
d. Quasimodo look-alike

3. When you go out in public, do people:

a. Gape and point
b. Act friendly
c. Ignore you
d. Cover their eyes in horror

4. Has anyone ever offered to do a makeover on you?

a. No, people get makeovers to look more like me
b. Yes, just to try a different color palette
c. Yes, occasionally
d. No, they tell me there’s nothing that can be done

5. What animal are you most often compared with?

a. Swan (full-grown)
b. Cute bunny
c. Loyal dog
d. Hyena

6. Are you:

a. Strikingly beautiful
b. In-between
c. In-between
d. Hideously ugly

Results

If you answered mostly A:

Congratulations! You are strikingly beautiful! When children see you, they stare in awe! In high school, you were voted “Most attractive.” When you go out in public, people gape and point! People get makeovers to look more like you. You’ve been compared to a full-grown swan. In short, you are strikingly beautiful.

If you answered mostly B or C:

You are neither strikingly beautiful nor hideously ugly. You are in-between.

If you answered mostly D:

You are hideously ugly! When children see you, they run away screaming! In high school, you were voted Quasimodo look-alike. When you go out in public, people cover their eyes in horror. You’ve never been offered a makeover because there’s nothing that can be done. You resemble a hyena. In short, (and this may come as a surprise to you,) you are hideously ugly!

————

Quiz B: Time management skills. Are you an expert planner, making the most of every minute, or does time always seem to be passing you by? Or are you somewhere in the middle? Take this quiz and find out how good you are at watching the clock!

1. Do you use a calendar?

a. I need an extra-large calendar, so I can plan my every action
b. I write down the essentials
c. I try to write things down, but have been known to miss things
d. What is this word “calendar”?

2. How prompt are you?

a. Always 15 minutes early! I use the time to update my schedule on my Blackberry and solve the world economic crisis
b. I’m usually on time
c. I’m sometimes late
d. I’ve been known to show up after everyone else has gone home

3. Do you set an alarm every morning?

a. I don’t need to, my circadian rhythms are set to wake me before the crack of dawn
b. Yes, I rely on my alarm
c. Never on weekends
d. I threw it against the wall enough times that now it’s pleasantly silent

4. What do you do with your free time?

a. I’ve scheduled in time for exercise, reflection, and running the country from behind the scenes
b. I try to make time for my hobbies and interests
c. I’m always running behind, so don’t have free time
d. All time is free

5. How would you describe your time management skills?

a. I’m an expert planner who makes the most of every minute
b. Somewhere in the middle
c. Somewhere in the middle
d. Time always seems to be passing me by.

Results

You just spent a few minutes taking a meaningless quiz on Facebook. You don’t know anything about time management.

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7 Responses to Self-comprehension through Facebook quizzes

  1. Kristina says:

    I have never taken one of those Facebook quizzes. Have I ever mentioned how angry FB makes me? And now that they changed their Friends tab, it’s useless.

  2. Thora says:

    My husband and I laughed through this whole post. It was a great punchline – have you actually posted this on Facebook? It would be great! (In that case you had better go back through and change the grammar and spelling to reflect the usual high quality one can expect from FB quizzes). I’ve gone through and deleted several friends who take upwards of several quizzes a day, I was so tired of scrolling past them.

    I actually hate all the side uses for FB – I never use any of the applications except post status, check others’ statuses, and send chats/messages.

    You could do a blogging version of this, too, but then it would hit close to home for me (and any dedicated blogger), so although I would laugh as much, I’d also feel guilty, too.

  3. OhSusanna says:

    ROFL

  4. Melanie J says:

    You are hysterical.

  5. Lili says:

    Zina, you’re killing me.
    I did have an idea what the second quiz was leading up to, but I especially failed, because I took the time to read it aloud to everyone at mom’s.
    (mom is LHHO-ing, too)
    (can you figure that one out–LHHO?)

  6. zstitches says:

    Also described as “Ha-ha-ha-ha-THUNK”?

  7. Jen says:

    Hahaha. Love the last results.

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