When you make your bed you have to lie in it, so if you don’t make your bed, you can keep your options open

[This is one of those stories that could have been told in one sentence, without my weakness talent for stretching out short anecdotes nearly past the breaking point.

Also, I think I’ll go ahead and submit this to Sue’s “Very Funny Friday” Blog Carnival, even though it barely qualifies for Mildly Amusing.]

I’m not usually one to check on the kids multiple times after sending them to bed — in fact, I usually don’t check on them at all, so if anyone does, it’s Dean. But since Henry’s been so sick, last night before I went to bed I wanted to make sure he was breathing. It was midnight and I didn’t want to wake him, so I left the hall light off and went in the room he shares with Isaac. The humidifier I’d asked Dean to set up in there seemed to be helping, and I could hear Henry in his crib, breathing in raspy but regular breaths. I could make out Isaac’s shape on the top bunk, and he was sleeping soundly, too.

Then I checked the girls’ room. Both the top and bottom bunks were empty.

Remembering that Mabel will often take the unoccupied extra bunk in Ike’s room so she can escape Rose talking and keeping her awake, I switched the hall light on and checked the boys’ room again. There was Mabel, asleep on the bottom bunk. But no Rose. I ran back to the girls’ room and couldn’t see Rose anywhere in there — not on the closet floor, not on the floor between the bunk bed and the wall. I  called Dean to help me with the search. I searched all three bathrooms, the living room, and even my sewing room, while Dean looked under the bunk bed in the boys’ room. By then I’d headed back to the girls’ room, where I pulled out a toy box that’s kept under the bunk bed, and, peering behind where the box had been, I could just make out, in the darkness, the form of a little hand, a shadowed face, and some pink pajamas. It looked like someone had stuffed a toddler-sized doll under the bed.

It’s not a tall space under the bed — in fact, I just went and measured, and there’s only 9″ between the floor and the bottom bunk.

Dean pulled Rose out from under the bunk bed for me and was able to put her back in her bed without her waking up. I haven’t even mentioned the incident to Rose today because I’m afraid if she finds out we thought it was funny she’ll take to sleeping there every night. (But maybe she’s already been sleeping there every night?)

Then this morning Isaac and Mabel told us that somehow Mabel ended up asleep on the floor in Isaac’s room — Ike accidentally woke her up when he opened the door this morning and it bumped her in the elbow.

———-

This morning Rose came and got in bed next to me and wanted to know what day it was.

Me: “Friday.”
Rose: “No, it was already Friday, remember?”
Me: “Umm . . . it was Friday last week, and now it’s Friday again.”
Rose: “What’s tomorrow?”
Me: “Saturday.”
Rose: “No, it’s not, remember?”
Me: “Saturday comes after Friday. Then comes Sunday, then Monday.”
Rose: “Well, what’s the other tomorrow?”
Me: “You mean yesterday? Yesterday was Thursday.”
Rose: “NOT yesterday! TOMORROW! I’M NOT SLEEPING IN YOUR BED ANYMORE!”

She ran off out of my room. (And, for all I know, she went and crawled under her bunk bed.)

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15 Responses to When you make your bed you have to lie in it, so if you don’t make your bed, you can keep your options open

  1. Lili says:

    hahaha.
    I remember climbing into Suzy’s and my little gray clothing cupboard and waiting for her to come to bed so that I could spring out and scare/surprise her. I waited. And waited…
    And was awakened to Suzy turning on the light in the room and hollering down to mom, “she’s not in here, either.” So much for surprises.

  2. marymary says:

    Man, trying to get you to answer a simple question can be SO FRUSTRATING. Come on! The other tomorrow! What’s so difficult to understand about that?

    Rose. cracks. me. up.

  3. in time out says:

    this is hilarious. thanks for sharing

  4. Danielle says:

    Thank you for commenting on my comment on Sue’s post (are you still following me?). That is a wonderful way to look at it, and I will have to put that on the fridge or something, so that the times I want to sell her on eBay, I don’t actually do it. 🙂 Now I am off to read the rest of your blog! Thank heavens for a desk job!

  5. Rachel says:

    I don’t think that I ever slept in weird places when I was little. Although, I was deathly afraid of Freddy Kruegar sleeping under my bed and I didn’t want his long arms (like in the first movie) to get me so I would sleep in the middle middle of my bed with the covers rolled back on top of me so that he couldn’t reach me from either side.

    I don’t know why I didn’t think about the fact that if he were going to get me it would be in my Nightmares … not under my bed … but Hey … whatever, I was probably about 6.

    Thanks for the comment … Yeah, cheating does take a lot of work. I’m so glad that I don’t have to do that any longer … I can simply catch the cheaters in the act. Which is lovely because I’ve obviously seen it all!

  6. Kristina says:

    Your kids are hilarious!

    And your comment totally made me laugh. I knew I recognized that girl somewhere, so thanks for placing her in 24 for me!

    And I’m sort of OK with Jack torturing me. He would make it hot.

  7. Ahh, musical beds. Great story!

  8. That really is VERY funny, not just mildly amusing 🙂

  9. Carey says:

    That is so funny! I grew up sharing a room with my sister who was – and is still – a sleep-walker. We’d find her in all kinds of weird places that even SHE didn’t know she was in! Great post!

  10. Christina M. says:

    Lol! I’m glad my little one is still crib bound!

  11. zstitches says:

    Lili, that’s funny and I don’t think I’d heard that story. Somewhat unrelatedly, since I’d read about “The Silent Treatment” in the Little House books, I would try it on Mary when I was mad at her — but it never worked because a) it was a relief to her when I would stop talking and b) I could never remember I was giving her the Silent Treatment for more than about 2 minutes at a time.

    MaryMary, so true — we mothers can be so dense sometimes. I totally deserved the Silent Treatment from her after that.

    in time out, thanks and you’re welcome.

    Danielle, I do follow. It’s always iffy to talk to someone in someone else’s comment thread, because who knows if they’ll ever come back to read it? But I sort of have an excess of words on hand so I don’t mind if I accidentally waste a few here and there.

    Ebay takes too high of a percentage in selling fees now — I think Craigslist is a better deal for selling children.

    Rachel, it sounds like you’re saying that your past life of crime turned into a career advantage. (Shocking!)

    Kristina, Amelia, Heather, Carey — sorry, I ran out of steam for answering individually, but thanks for stopping by! Sue’s carnival has made my sick day more fun than I was expecting it to be.

  12. Elisa says:

    Very, very funny! 🙂

  13. wonder woman says:

    Thanks for you comment on my VFF. This story is so funny. Typical kids. How old is Mabel? That conversation is what made me laugh the most! She sounds like my 4 year old.

  14. zstitches says:

    Mabel is 8, but I think you mean Rose, who is, yes, four. Four and full of it.

  15. Jane the pain got on a train says:

    Mable the table ! and Rose will pose!

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