Royalty

Dean: “I had the most interesting dream.”

Rose comes into our room asking us to care for her.

Me: “Just a minute, let Daddy tell me about his dream first.”

Dean: “I had created these two pieces of artwork, and without my knowing it a couple of my siblings had taken them and put them on the internet, and a company had bought them and was using them for their products and my siblings were collecting royalties without telling me.”

Me: “My dream was that my job was teaching Creative Dance to kids, and I showed up and found out the next day was the concert, and my kids didn’t know their dance yet — I think I hadn’t even been showing up to teach the class — and they didn’t have costumes, and I was trying to think of some kind of dance that they could learn well enough to perform it the next day, and get their costumes together. And there was some part where I was resisting, too — I think people were trying to get me to assemble the costumes for all the other classes, too, and I didn’t want to. And then I woke up just barely enough to tell myself, ‘Wait, I am NOT a dance teacher, I don’t have to do this. All I have to do is get on a plane today, and I did most of the packing last night.’ And it was a huge relief.”

Rose: “Now let me say my dream.”

Me: “Okay.”

Rose: [Pause.]

Me: “Did you dream you had breakfast?”

Rose: “No, let me do it myself! My dream was . . . I had breakfast, and cereal, and I was looking in the window of the black and dark blue car.”

Me: (to Dean) “Oops, my mind drifted off for a second there — what was the middle part of what she said?”

Dean: “She was looking in the window of the black car.”

Rose: “No, it was the window of the black and dark blue car.”

Me: “Oh, yeah. Like the color of the rental car. Okay, let’s get some breakfast for you, Rose.”

Dean: “There were some other funny details in my dream — like, I had taken a picture of myself in priest’s clothing . . . “

Me: “Like in a costume?”

Dean: “Yeah. And this auto parts company had taken that image and used it in their packaging . . .”

Me: “Like ‘Priest Dean Auto Parts?’”

Dean: “Well I never did get to see the packaging to see how they used the image. But I was trying to find out how much money I was owed and they were telling me you look at the last four numbers of the product number, and that tells you how much royalties you get for every $250 of sales.”

———-

A couple minutes later Dean has gotten Rose some breakfast and I’m waiting for Dean’s laptop to start up so I can write this post.

Dean: “I think my dream was a metaphor for what you’re doing right now.”

Explore posts in the same categories: But Dean is the funniest, I think I'm funny, My kids actually are funny (and sweet and wonderful)

9 Comments on “Royalty”

  1. Acheté Says:

    I’m not paying a cent till you post the pictures of Dean in priest’s clothing.

  2. danithew Says:

    Reading this conversation makes me wish Dean had his own blog. Tell him ICPMs simply aren’t sufficient anymore.

  3. Squid Says:

    This one slayed me.

  4. the MomB Says:

    LOL! LOL!
    My first thoughts were along the lines of Daniel’s: [to Dean:] “Get your own blog!” Then I remembered he has one. And it’s cool and it has smashing pumpkins. But no place to pay. I can send you something through PayPal tho’. Wait, what am I paying for again?

  5. Melinda Says:

    Funny!!!

    I would owe my kids and husband a lot of money of they decided they wanted royalties for the use of their “likeness” (or likeableness) in my blog.

  6. Amy Says:

    Dean’s sibling here, and I am making a fortune on royalties of Dean’s likeness and his artwork combined. I would be happy to create a photoshopped version of Dean in a priest outfit if you think it would sell. :)
    ~amy

  7. zstitches Says:

    :) Dean corrected me that it was “just a priest’s collar,” not an entire costume. (Yeah, big difference, I know.) Dean did wear a priest costume for Halloween when we were dating and I have to say it did look pretty dashing on him. But I’m not sure it would help sell auto parts . . .

  8. Robby Says:

    Wait. Isn’t this priestcraft???

    HA HA that’s very, very funniness.

  9. danithew Says:

    A website does not qualify as a blog. There’s no place for former roommates to leave goofy comments.

    One word for Dean: WordPress.


Comment: