Me meme me me

My cousin Laura tagged me way back when I first brought this imaginary blog endeavor out into the wide open air of The Internet, but since coming up with a few things to say about myself is soooo hard, I just never could get around to it in between all those important posts about mending jeans and how to fry babies.

I think Laura’s assignment to me was just to say six things about myself, but I’m modifying it a little — the new formula is that you have to say three things about yourself that are silly or embarrassing or shameful, and then three things that are cool or nifty or you are proud of. (Using the word “nifty” as though it were still in currency falls into the shameful category.)

Part A — 3 things that are silly/embarrassing/shameful:

1. I wore braces (for TMJ) from age 18-21 (prime years to have braces, yes, and I think my orthodontist would still be fine-tuning them if I hadn’t made him take them off before my church mission,) and I still wear my retainers at least three times a week. I wore them every night for about 13 years (I had to go see my old orthodontist once about ten years after I got my braces off, and he was visibly shocked to learn that I was still being so diligent about them — I think I set a record,) and then a couple of years ago it occurred to me that I could probably get comparable results from wearing them only once every two nights. The best thing about my retainers is: they glow in the dark. (How that happened is that I ordered “natural” colored, which would be a pinkish translucent mouth color, but when they came as glow-in-the-dark, the orthodontist didn’t want to send them back, so he asked me if I would just try them for a while and see if I could live with them. ) I guess the part about them being glow-in-the-dark should have gone on my “cool” list.

(I took this picture the other night for this post and thought it hadn’t worked, so I was kind of amused to find it on my camera a couple days later.)

2. I am really, really bad about four-way stops — I always forget to check who arrives first, and then I am sitting there at the intersection knowing that if I go before my turn I’ll annoy the opposing drivers, and if I don’t go after it’s my turn, I’ll annoy the cars behind me. I’m always checking my rear-view mirror to see if the person behind me looks impatient enough that it must be my turn.

(Today was particularly bad — I was at the 4-way by the elementary school right after school let out, and I was explaining to my kids about mirages (you could see one on the road ahead of us) (oh, and no I don’t know how to explain the science of how a mirage works; I was just telling them what they look like and what they’re called, using the one ahead of us as my visual aid,) and I stopped at the intersection and then headed on through without waiting at all. I turned to my right just in time to see an annoyed woman gesticulating at me, but I didn’t manage to mouth a “Sorry!” before I was out of her line of sight.)

Anyway, if some rude driver cut in front of you or made you wait behind them at a 4-way, that was me. And I’m very sorry.

3. I guess I only have two silly/embarrassing/shameful things! — because right now I don’t feel like telling the story of how I once wet my pants while I was a missionary. Come to think of it, I did tell that story once at a ward party where we were supposed to tell embarrassing things — now that’s something to be ashamed of. (I mean I’m ashamed of having told a story like that to my decorous ward members, not so much ashamed of the pants-wetting; you would have wet your pants, too, if it were that cold a day and you’d been served that many beverages and it had been that long since you’d been to a bathroom and your mission companions were making you laugh that hard and then instead of ignoring them and walking on in stony silence, you decided to tell them your favorite joke.) (And no, I’m not going to tell you the joke.)

Part B — Cool/nifty/proud:

1. I dearly love nearly all children, and I think I relate to them well. And I only yell at mine a few times a day.

2. I am very dextrous.

3. I comb and style both of my daughters’ hair almost every day; usually before nightfall. (Maybe this is more a compulsion of mine than it is a virtue — but I do love seeing them looking so cute and groomed. But no, I do not judge you unkindly if your kid’s hair is a rat’s nest — like I said, this is just my “thing.”)

That’s all! I did it! It only took me, what, five months?

I tag: Jenny, Jennette, Karen, Ashley, and Trina. (Try to do it in less than five months.)

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